It's like
by masterofsnark
Summary: a story full of adventure, love and devotion starring Vauseman. Some serious stuff goes down here, so be prepared to be shocked. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be deeply affected. i suck at summaries please just read.
1. throw it against the wall

**Author's Note-** this is a story that is really important to me and that is based on my own true experiences... i suck at summaries please read and review. heart you all. kisses... etc etc

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Alex was sitting on the couch, staring at the wall when Piper walked into the room. Piper frowned, vaguely concerned. "Um, Al... what is it you're doing exactly?"

"Oh well you know how you wanted me to paint this wall?"

"Yeah?"

"I did it."

"Okay... but... that still doesn't answer my question..."

"I'm watching the paint dry..."

"You're... you're watching paint dry?"

"Yeah."

"Ummm... why?"

"I dunno. It's sort of relaxing..." Alex glanced over at her, "You want to join me?"

Piper shrugged, dropping her purse and keys on the side table by the door and kicking off her shoes. It'd been a long day at work. Polly had been particularly... Polly that day (stressed about something Larry did that Piper couldn't even begin to feel sympathetic about) and Piper figured that maybe sitting on the couch and staring at a wall might be a blessed relief. She grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge on the way over and handed one to Alex as she sat down.

Alex smiled at her, "Thanks babe," she said, scooting over as Piper folded herself on to the couch and melted into Alex's side. Alex put her arm around Piper and kissed her hello before going back to looking at the wall. And there they sat in comfortable silence, as the sun sank below the horizon and the light faded from the room...

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 **WHY?-** Because we really would read a story about Alex and Piper doing anything together... ;)


	2. The Grass is Always Greener

**Author's Note-** just when you thought it was over... srsly, we'll watch them do anything... shoutout to Vausemaniac for suggesting their occupations... ;) ENJOY.

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The house wasn't that big, but it was luxuriously appointed, and its owners were clearly loaded... especially since they'd managed to afford Alex. Alex was one of the best landscape designers and gardeners in the city.

Piper pulled up to the place in her van and got out, holding a paper bag of Chinese takeout. She walked up the path to the front door and then walked right into the house. Alex had told her the door would be unlocked. She'd had an annoying morning (electrical work paid well but it could be a pain in the ass, especially when everyone took one look at her and assumed that she was incompetent because she was a good looking blond), and was more than ready to just cancel the rest of her afternoon appointments, but she knew Nicky (who was, perhaps not coincidentally, Alex's best friend) would be pissed since one of the jobs was that pervy mustache dude on the outskirts of town whose fuse box was always blowing. Nicky hated seeing that guy alone.

The blond headed straight out to the backyard and found her girlfriend sitting on the lovely brand spanking new cedar plank deck in an Adirondack chair, a beer in hand, staring at the bright green grass she'd laid down yesterday. Alex looked over her shoulder when she heard Piper's footsteps, grinning at her, "Well, if it isn't the prettiest home intruder I've seen all day..."

Piper smiled back, leaning over to kiss Alex and somehow ending up in her lap. They made out for a few extremely pleasant moments before Alex drew back and smiled at her lazily, "Well... someone's having a bad day..."

The blond rolled her eyes and raised an eyebrow, "You're _complaining_ about having my tongue in your mouth?"

Alex laughed loudly, "Ha! Never, kid... but I will say that the owner's supposed to be come home on his lunch hour to look things over so... probably best if he doesn't find me fucking you in one of his brand new chairs..."

Piper snorted, "As if that's ever stopped you before..."

"Well, and I'm also hungry..."

Piper smacked her on the shoulder, kissed her again, and then stood, pulling the containers of Chinese out of the paper bag and handing one to Alex, "Sweet and sour pork for the gallant gardener..."

"Landscape artist," Alex corrected.

"So what were you doing just sitting here and staring?" Piper asked, settling into the matching Adirondack chair on Alex's left.

Alex gestured to the notebook sitting on the small table between the chairs, "Keeping track."

"What?"

"Keeping track of the grass..."

" _Keeping track of the grass_?"

"Yeah. I've been measuring at hour intervals."

"Again... what?"

"This guy is a little... eccentric. He wants me to give him a report on how fast the grass grows."

"So you haven't been working you've just been... watching?"

"Oh this _is_ working. It's what he wanted me to do today. Why do you think he's coming home on his lunch? To _check_ my progress."

Piper shook her head... "So I dealt the world's most condescending old man for three _hours_ this morning, a guy who wouldn't even _let me touch_ his fucking wiring until I went out to the truck and got my _god damn electrical engineering degree_ out for him, and then asked me if my husband was proud of me being so independent... and you get to sit here and watch grass grow..."

Alex shrugged, "It's a tough life."

"Evidently..." Piper sighed and ate some more of her fried rice.

After a few more moments of silence, Alex said, "What'd you say?"

"What?"

"What'd you say when the old man asked about your husband?"

The blond glanced over at her innocently, "What makes you think I said anything?"

Alex gave her her _'fucking really, Pipes?'_ look.

Piper sighed, "I told him that my _girlfriend_ fucked me on every conceivable surface of our apartment and made me come seven times the night I graduated... and that yes she was very proud of me."

Alex nearly snorted beer out of her nose, laughing long and hard as Piper grinned. She loved making Alex laugh. It took the sting off of having to deal with the fucking jerk in the first place. When she'd calmed down, Alex said, "How much more time do you have?"

"I have to be at the next job in forty minutes, so I should probably leave in twenty."

"Then you've got time to sit back, relax and watch the lawn with me, babe..."

She put held out her hand and Piper took it, and they sat that way for the next twenty minutes, looking out over the pristine new lawn, watching the grass grow...

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 **WHY?-** YOU KNOW WHY... :)


End file.
